In Search of Our Daughter

I have always known I would have a daughter. When I was first pregnant with Ethan I was fine with my first born being a boy. “A protector of his little sister” I thought. Then Theo came. I remember that much anticipated twenty week appointment to find out what we were having. Anyone who knows me knows I would never be able to handle the anticipation of a surprise birth. I am far too type A. I like to have everything organized and ready.  That appointment came and I heard those words “it’s a girl!” Imagine my surprise at thirty two weeks when the doctor said “um, wait a minute…”  I said goodbye to all the pink things we had collected.  I packed them up and put them away, for perhaps future use.  When we were told not to have more children by Ethan’s geneticist two years later I was crushed. Jesse and I had just passed the threshold where we had decided we did in fact want more children. It took us two years to reach that conclusion. Our lives changed in an instant. My dreams of dance recitals and mommy and daughter pedicures seemed to disappear.  Now, three years later, I can’t stop thinking about our daughter. I thought the longing would get easier as time went by. It didn’t. As the boys got a little older and I saw Jesse doing “boy” activities the dull ache was definitely still there. As I starting seeing my nieces and my friends’ daughters growing up it became stronger. I brought the idea up to Jesse about adoption, but I never pushed. I didn’t want to have to convince him. When he agreed to move forward with the process several months ago I was ecstatic.  I envisioned pink tutus and French braids and slumber parties.  We talked with friends who have adopted and immediately chose Christian Family as our agency. We want to adopt locally, or at least domestically. However, we were told we were #9 on the waitlist. They only work with twenty four families at a time. They told us they have a family that has been waiting eighteen months for a little girl. I was a little discouraged. I said “what can we do while we wait?” “Nothing” was the answer. That didn’t sit well with me. I am more of a doer than a waiter.  So we started on the nursery. Then we waited. We have now finished the nursery. We have waited some more. I shopped for baby girls clothes. We wait.  I try to explain the concept of time and waiting to two very excited boys who can’t wait to be big brothers. Today we met with another agency that does not have a wait list. We went with hopeful hearts that perhaps the time would move faster. We left with heavy hearts feeling extremely discouraged. We were told since we want a daughter; we should expect an even longer wait. Boys are adopted out two to one. Birth mothers tend to think that parenting a daughter is easier. Also the fact that we already have children will be a real detriment. Birth mothers want their baby to be an only or first child. We were told our wait would realistically be three to four years for an infant daughter. I am feeling a little beaten down, but not out. I know our daughter is out there. We just haven’t met her yet.  In my soul, down to my core I know I was meant to have a daughter. She is already in my heart; now I just want her to be in my arms and our home. The intake coordinator said our best chance for a child is to find a unique situation via word of mouth. Perhaps you can help. Do you know someone who is pregnant and thinking about adoption? Do you know someone who knows someone? Please tell them about our family. Give them our information. Ask them to reach out to us. We will be waiting!